The unveiling of the Man

More picture of the book launch.

Why People Don't Change -- 3 Reasons and 5 Things You Can Do - By Debbie Roberts & Werner Hofstatter

I subscribed to one online selfgrowth website, i really learn so much from different articles and newsletters they send me.

I have decided to share this wonderful article on CHANGE with you, please read and be inspired.

Dealing with difficult people can be extremely frustrating. Trying to change them can be even worse. Understanding why people find it so difficult to change can provide some insight and relief. Although changing another person is out of your control there are some things you can do that can help. This may be absolutely necessary if the difficult person in your life is your spouse, your child, your boss, or anyone else who you have close contact with every day.

Understanding why people find it so difficult to change is the first step. Here are three things you should know.

1) What we see in other people is very obvious because we can observe it objectively. This perspective is huge. Understanding that what we see is not as obvious to them is vital. Communicating our perception in a fair manner is the first step.

2) We have all been "programmed". A lot of our emotional habits are formed in early childhood. It took us a long time to perfect these habits, so to just "change them" permanently is not always easy. If you have ever tried to quit a bad physical habit like smoking, eating sweets or biting your nails, you'll know that at first it is really hard to just stop. Emotional habits are even more difficult because they are not as obvious. Self-awareness is the key.

3) Sometimes people are aware of their annoying habit or behavior but still don't change. This happens when the "payoff" for staying the same is higher than benefit of changing. Think about the person who is notoriously late. What kind of payoff can someone get from being late all the time? Here are a few payoffs that may be keeping them stuck. "I can get a lot more things done during the time I could be early or on time". "I feel in control". "Being late is fashionable, I wouldn't want to appear over anxious or too eager". "If I'm early I may have to wait for someone else". Although these payoffs are double standards they are often

overwhelming. The obvious positive payoffs that we may perceive, like "appearing more professional", "improved relationships" and "reduced stress levels" may not even cross their mind.

So what can you do? Here are some tips to making lasting changes:

1. Change yourself first but state your needs clearly and respectfully. You can only change yourself. This may include letting others know that your needs are not being met and telling them what you require from them. You can say something like, "I have to let you know that when you are late I feel disrespected. My time is important too. In the future, I require that you be on-time or let me know in advance that you'll be late. Is that something you can do?"

2. Get some perspective. Self-awareness is the key to change. You can't change what you can't see. If you require a new perspective on yourself take a look at your life and see what's not working for you. Then, with the help of some objective and truthful friends, ask them what they think you're doing to create this situation. If someone else seems to be unaware of a behaviour that is affecting others, ask a specific question like, "Are you aware that when you ________ it is hurtful?"

3. Uncover your history to discover your current mystery. Patterns and habits can be deep. Look at your early childhood experiences. Are you a people pleaser? Why? How did this start? Are you shy and withdrawn? How did this start? Finding the root of your emotional habits will equip you to make different choices. Conscious choice is incredibly empowering.

4. Figure out the "payoff". Leverage is needed to change a habit. There has to be a bigger reason to change than to stay the same. Looking deeper is often the key. Honestly list all the reasons why you may be unconsciously resisting change. Then list the benefits of changing. Seeing both sides of the picture is the only way to "get it". If you are dealing with another person ask them why they think they don't change. This will help them process why they may be stuck.

5. Do the "21-day habit change". By changing an emotional habit for 21 days you will be well on your way to permanent change. Just 21 days. Track it, journal it or create a spreadsheet. If you can get through that the rest will be a breeze.

Hang in there!

The launch in Pix

Left to right- Emmanuel Bright of Emmagination Consulting; Niyi Adesanya of Fifth Gear Consulting; Professor Yemi Osinbajo, Former Attorney general and commissioner for Justice Lagos state; the author, Favour Erebosi and SACO, the MC and comedian.

I almost forgot

Hi Friends,

Whatever happened to my manners, how can i forget to invite you to the public presentation of my first inspirational book titled: THE MAN WITH A DIFFERENT SPIRIT- defying the status quo.

Please forgive me. You are specially invited to the formal launch of my book. Venue: Adebola House, Opebi. Ikeja. Lagos
Time: 12noon prompt.
Date: 30th April, 2011

I will expecting you!

Achieve the extra ordinary, It's in you!

1000 Points of Light.

I had the privilege of being part of a revolutionary program put together by the Daniels Generation, a revolutionary youth arm of RCCG Olive tree assembly. Banana Island, Ikoyi.

The program was tagged Conversation to change the Nation- 1000 points of light. The objective was to light up 1000 participants that will contagiously light up others to positively advance the nation. It was an avenue for youths to ask the leaders some questions that have been bothering them over time concerning the state of the nation.

We had several seasoned speakers like His Excellency, Governor Babbtunde Raji Fashola, Prof. Yemi Osinbajo, Leke Alder, Soji Apampa, Bode Agusto, Yemi Adelekan, Olayemi, Cardaso and a host of others.

In order to give you an insight into what we learnt, I have decided to give you some bullet points of what the first speaker spoke on. They resonate with me; I want to believe it should do same with you.

The governor was the first to speak, he started by saying that there is nothing wrong with Nigeria, that if we resolve that this is what we want as a nation and collectively adhere to set standards, we will thrive.

• This country is not a lost cause
• We live in a country where we make more babies without corresponding Hospitals to take care of these babies
• Buy more cars without building new roads- The last major road constructed in Lagos was the third main land bridge.
• The more people who try to access limited resources, the more frustrated they become… We live in country where more people are struggling to have access to limited resources…
• Infrastructural renewal is one of our core goals in developmental plans
• A greener and cleaner environment is a healthy environment
• The measure of progress in any state is whether or not your government is responsive.
• We must imbibe the right attitude that nothing is impossible
• An attitude that only us can limit us
• This is the attitude needed for change
• We must re-examine our values, without the right values, everything built will collapse.
• Nothing can stand in our way with proper values, right attitude and belief, nothing is impossible.
• IT IS POSSIBLE.

That was the closing charge. IT IS POSSIBLE.

Be and lead d change!

Make up Your Mind

We are already five days into the second month of the year, and I won’t be surprised that some people are yet to kick start what they have planned to do this year. I want to believe that you are familiar with the popular quote that “All objects remain in a state of rest until a force is applied” Did I get the quote well? Anyways, I am sure you understand where I am driving at. It is very important to note that nothing happens without a push. I love the woman with the issue of blood in the scriptures, I am not being pastoral here because I am not one, but I want use a popular illustration. She did one thing and that was “She made up her mind” that she was going to touch Jesus on the set day she got her healing.

Remember she had the crowd to contend with, I guess most people who also wanted to get Jesus’s attention would have cajoled and made fun of her to move away for “better and healthy people” to see the master. Their discouraging acts did not deter her, because her mind was made up. She was ready to surmount all obstacles just to touch the master.

You might as well call the write up ‘The power of determination’ the simple message here is that nothing is going happen until you make it happen, let me also say here that it is not enough to make up your mind, action must accompany your determination.

May be you have so many projects lined up for the year, but you haven’t started working on any for fear of completion and obstacles, kindly borrow from the woman with issue of blood, she didn’t care about the obstacles, she wanted something, she went for it, surmounting all obstacles and got what she wanted. It’s possible you are yet to make up your mind to begin. My advice, if you have them all well outlined, please run with it, because that vision is for an appointed time. But you must RUN with it. Meaning you can’t fold your hands and wait for things to happen, please make them happen. You’ve got all it takes.

If you can dream it, you can achieve it. Leave the workability with God, just make up your mind today and ACT.

Achieve the extra- ordinary… It’s in you!

Take Charge!

Corruption is not our Problem

Happy New Year, good and great people of this great nation, hope goals have been set and plans to achieve them properly put in place. Not to worry, everything will be ok, if you play your part well, God will definitely surprise you pleasantly.

The crux of the matter today is that corruption is not our problem… “Favour, what are you talking about’? Someone must be saying, never mind just read through. We are quick to blame the underdevelopment of the nation on bad leadership and corruption. I am not refuting the fact that these things are part of the problem, but lamenting on them without necessary action is actually the major problem we have in this nation. Nigeria suffers more from our continued inaction than from the problems.

We suffer more of inaction in this nation than anything else. If you say leadership is the problem, what are we doing to solve the problem or is it just about talking and writing about them on the pages of newspaper? I don’t think so. If you say corruption has eaten deep into the fabrics of this nation, what have we done to curb it? Why do we spend so much time on talking than acting? We are of no doubt known to make noise about bad situations than proffering solutions to them.

The election is around the corner, if you want to stop bad leadership and corruption, it’s time you stood up and allow your vote count. We encourage bad leadership when we fold our hands at election times when we are supposed to determine who takes the mantle of leadership. Prayer is key to success no doubt, but even the good book said “ Faith without work is dead” For our religious brothers who have been praying and are still praying for the forth coming election, I would advise that while we pray, we should also be part of a defining moment that confronts us. We are not saying that you should stop praying; we are only pleading that you should come out and cast your vote.

Pessimists would not show up at the polls, no doubt, those who think that the status quo remains, who think strongly that the election would be rigged may not bother showing up. But let me remind us that such mindset would not take us anywhere. When we keep thinking that things will never get better we prolong the realization of our dreams as a nation. When we think Nigeria should sort herself out of her woes, we are not been patriotic. When we think ethnicity should determine who leads, we need to reconsider unity.

Until we see the growth and development of this nation as a collective responsibility, it might not be easy for us to attain the height we have always wanted.

Corruption is just a noun, and it functions where you allow it to, besides. It’s found in almost all the nations of the world in different degrees. But we can decide to erase it from our system, if only you will do the right thing at the right time not minding who is doing the wrong thing. If we say the system is totally corrupt, do something to salvage the system, your vote is your voice and your power that no one can take away from you. Use it wisely this time around, and help fight the so called corruption and bad leadership.

Apart from voting the right people into position of leadership, let’s remind ourselves that we are saddled with the responsibility of making their job easier by being good citizens that will discharge their civic responsibilities with a sense of patriotism. Don’t sit and wait for things to happen, make them happen.

Remember Andrew lack’s word, “Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

Change begins with you!